I can feel it, cold rain drops, falling heavy onto my skin. It is so eerie the emotional state that I am in right now. Everything around me is gloomy, drowning in a felling of sadness and despair.
It does not matter how much I run, all I can see is darkened, tight corridors which lead form one room to another. Each room is empty, with glassy floors, wrapped up in darkness. There is no ceiling to these rooms. Rain is falling without stopping, becoming colder as I advance through the corridors.
I am now already tired and scared; I need to find something, but what? What is so important for me to run after in this horrid weather? I cannot see anything clear, only walls around me, and rain above me.
The sound of the big rain drops, falling on the glassy surface of each room, makes my head hurt. It’s a rhythmic sound, blending with the noise that my bare feet are making. Running through the corridors with unsure steps, trying to control the tremble of my whole body, as not to fall before I reach my destination, I sometime search the walls of the corridors for something to hold on to.
It is getting harder to breath now, as my running pace slows down, the feeling of panic rises through me. I cannot find it, but it must be here.
I see a door; a warm air flows from within. And I can see a welcoming ray of light coming from under the door. I grab the handle and while turning the door knob, I slowly push it. But it will not open. It will not move an inch, regardless of the strength used.
I know this is what I am looking for, but why won’t it open? Am I missing something? A key! That must be it. At least now I know what I am looking for. I just need to find a key. Realizing this, I feel a lot lighter and happier. I must search for the key, and I will find it, no matter what it takes.
While thinking like that, I start running again. But the rain is still cold, and the corridors are never-ending. Still no sign of the key.
The wet clothes are weighting me down. It takes all my will, just to keep on going. My muscles are hurting, as I use them even more as time passes, trying to keep going, without thinking about the tiredness I am feeling. I am focusing all my attention into finding any trace of the key.
I can see light, coming from one of the rooms with the open ceiling. Maybe it is the key. I stop for a moment to rest. Then I use the little energy I have left to head into the direction of the light. But the more I struggle to advance, the dimmer the light appears. Then questions and doubts start rising into my mind:
Am I going the right way? Is there really a key to that door, or am I looking for it in vain? Why is the light getting fainter by the minute? Maybe it is a fire, and the rain is extinguishing it. I should hurry.
I finally arrive in the room, and as I look around me, trying to discern through the darkness, where the light had come from, I see another door.
Even though the room is darkened and the rain obscures the little visibility I have, I can see that the door is different from the last one. It is upholstered with dark-red silk and the casing is silver. When I try to open the door, I feel that the doorknob is warming up, as I keep my cold hand on it.
This must be where the key is. I thought. As I slowly push the door, the door swings aside, permitting entry. I see a flicker of light which quickly dies off, in the middle of the room. Then a deep darkness envelops me and the door behind me closes with a loud noise.
As I try to figure out where I am, I am hesitantly touching the walls with my hands, groping after a familiar object. Maybe the key is hidden here, in all the darkness. My hands find a thread with a little knot at the end. This must be the light for the room. I think, while I pull it firmly.
Suddenly, the floor disappears, and I begin to fall. My voice will not come out, I cannot even scream. I am petrified with fear.
Ah, I must be outside, because as I fall, I feel yet again, the cold rain falling heavily on me. It makes all my pores scream of pain. Such a sharp pain, that it makes me wish I was dead and unfeeling.
The fall is never-ending, where is the ground? How much more time does it take to reach death. As these thoughts rush through my head, I hear a stuffed sound, coming from above me. Someone is calling for me. But who is it? Can’t they save me? Although I struggle to free myself from the terror, I can’t reply to the voice calling for me.
And so I remain motionless, as I am falling deeper and deeper into darkness and despair, without being able to mutter one single word for help. Since whatever I try to do is worthless, I close my eyes, waiting for death, while my body still shivers slightly as cold rain drops whip through my body.
“Finally you’re awake!” Somebody said with a worried tone of voice. “I thought I have to take you to the hospital.”
As I open my eyes, I see a shadow leaning over me. I can feel this person’s presence even more when she puts a cold compress on my forehead. It’s my mother.
“It’s time to take your medicine.”
As I hear her speak, I slowly realize.
“It was all a dream!” I mumble to myself with a smile of satisfaction at the warm bed, and the caring hand that strokes my hair, before falling unconscious yet again, under the influence of the fever.
As I hurriedly shoved my wallet into the back pocket of my jeans, I heard the doorbell ring.
“Ah, she’s here already!” I said while rushing to open the door. In front of me stood my older sister with a fairly big bag on her shoulder.
“I’ll be done in a minute, Alice, just wait!” I said to her before she could even say hello.
“Yeah, yeah okay. Just hurry, will you? The plane will leave in two hours and we’re still here”, she replied while impatiently typing a message on her cell phone.
“Ready!” I said after a few minutes. “Let’s go!”
And so we got into her car and drove for about 20 minutes while listening to the radio in the car. When we finally arrived at the airport we checked our luggage in and then we stood there, waiting for the plane, while drinking a cup of coffee from a vending machine.
Finally the plane arrived, and we got on board of it. It was my first time ridding on a plane, so I was excited. My sister left me the window seat, as she had already traveled by plane a couple of times. She was obviously having fun seeing me so excited.
“Hope we don’t crash”, she said with an evil smile on her face. She knew I had heard many stories about airplanes crashing and I was a little scared.
“Don’t say that!” I whined, while checking my seatbelt. “You can’t scare me!”
“Yeah, yeah, I wouldn’t even dream of it”, she replied with an ironic tone.
We were almost at the destination, at the St. Kitts Island. We had decided on this destination after finding the Tripbase website on the internet. And there it was, Saint Kitts and Nevis sister Islands. Me and my sister were looking for a quiet place to unwind and recharge our batteries, so we discussed going on this trip. And before I knew it, we had already bought the tickets and made our reservations.
When we arrived, it was already evening, so we took a taxi to our hotel. It was called “Bird Rock”, and it had an incredible view of the Caribbean Sea.
After we checked in our room and arranged our luggage, we had dinner at “Diana’s Restaurant”, a meal which consisted of specific Caribbean dishes that even now, thinking about them, make my mouth water.
Afterwards, we were pretty tired after all the new things around us, so we retired to our room, and went to bed. The next day, we planned to go to the beach and take a dive into the sea.
After a few hours, I woke up at the sound of the TV. My sister had left it on and had fallen asleep like a rock. So I got up, and turned it off. But by then, I wasn’t sleepy anymore, so I decided to take a stroll on the beach. As it was still late at night, I could be all alone on the beach. So I changed into a white, thin blouse and a pair of jeans and went out of the room, as quietly as possible.
Just like I thought, I was all alone on the quiet beach, which was located in a protective cove. As I walked around, the warm sand was gently massaging my feet. Some red and narrow beams of light started appearing slowly, on the clear sky, while I was admiring their reflection in the water. As small waves were caressing the sand, they seemed to be dancing on the glassy surface.
While I was thinking of returning to my room, I noticed a manly figure slowly coming out of the water. The man had long, black hair, and a good stature. He was definitely a swimmer. He wore a black swimming trunk, while his chest was naked. And while he was brushing his hair back, water was dripping from his body, leaving a trail on the dry sand.
I stood there entranced by this man, who seemed to be coming straight from a dream, as to answer my desire for company. At first, he didn’t seem to notice me. He then proceeded to slip his white shirt, which was crumpled at the root of a palm tree, back on his broad shoulders. The shirt slid easily on his chest following the contours of his wet skin. He suddenly fixed his eyes on me and slowly approached the spot where I was standing.
As I watched him walking towards me, I could feel a small wince of fear, passing through my body. But nevertheless, I just stood there, unable to utter a word. I could feel his eyes going over my body, binding me to the ground.
When he was in front of me, he took my left hand, and laid a cold kiss on it. I could almost feel the salty water of the sea, now on my left hand. I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t.
He stood there, in front of me, looking at me, holding my hand into his, for what to me seemed a couple of hours. He then slowly led me towards the sea, without even muttering a word.
Even though I thought it was strange, at that moment I couldn’t disobey him. I was following him blindly. There was something attracting me to this person, something linking me to him, leaving me at his command.
As we slowly walked into the sea, I could feel the small, cold waves crashing at my feet. When the water was around my waist, he suddenly stopped. He then turned to me and embraced me.
His arms were cold, clinging desperately onto me. As if waking up from a trance, I put my arms around him, and whispered: “I’m sorry!”
He then looked at me, with a sad smile, and nodded. He understood. While still holding me, he softly touched my forehead with his lips. When he let go of me, I noticed a tear, dropping onto his cheek. As I gently wiped it off with my right hand, I could feel its warmth.
Before I could realize it, tears started flowing out of my eyes, blocking my view of the man. After I wiped them off violently, rubbing my eyes, I noticed he was already gone. I couldn’t see him anymore. My knees gave in, and I was in the water up to my neck.
After that night, all I would do was sit at the beach, almost all day and night, waiting for him to appear again. But regardless of how much time I waited, he wouldn’t come. After a week had passed, it was time to return home. And indifferent to what I said, my sister, who thought it was all a dream, persuaded me to return.
I knew I couldn’t stay anymore, and I also knew I wouldn’t see him anymore, so I agreed to return home, without too much fuss.
The ride home wasn’t nearly as fun as the ride to the Islands, and I didn’t get to visit much either, but one thing I know for sure. I will never forget the night I met him. Even if no one believed me, and still I myself can’t understand what happened exactly, I can say with certainty that it was all real.
Since that day, whenever I get some free time from work, I return there, in hope that I will see him once again, and this time, I will surely go with him, wherever he takes me.
“I should go.” Fred whispered, but it was enough to sober her up. It would have been the same, if he would have shouted. She didn’t move, just replied.
“I understand.” Her reply was also a whisper, but it weighted heavily on both of them.
“Can I…” Fred started.
“No!..Yes!..I don’t know! Yes!” she said, in the end, with a slight panic in her voice.
“I’m glad, thank you!” He replied, while smiling gently at her. She looked at him, and smiled.
“You, have a beautiful smile.” He said, while finally letting go of her. She then blushed violently. He started laughing.
“I bet, I could never get bored of you.” He said, still laughing. After, they said goodbye.
The party was almost over, and the guest were scattered through the halls, some of them even went up to the rooms, they were staying in. Mia hurried back, to the kitchen, to help out, but her mind, was still in the room, where it all just happened, the room where she had, her very first kiss.
The next day, as they were cleaning, after the party, Mia heard some of the servants whispering. She then approached, to hear the conversation.
“So that was him right? Mr. Raymond.” As she heard the name, Mia’s heart skipped a beat.
“Yeah, I hear he’s called Frederick Thomas, after his grandfather.
Who would have guessed, he was the fiancé. Few people knew him; he’s been secluded all this years, good thing he found a wife now.
I wonder why, did he arrived so late last night? He came almost, at the end of the party.
And Miss Evelyn is such a beauty too.” The girls giggled.
“But he’s handsome too, and he has all that wealth now, as a single child, after the accident.
And…” But Mia wasn’t listening anymore; it was him, Fred. Frederick Thomas Raymond. She couldn’t believe it. The happiness from a few moments ago, turned into fright and terror. She was in love, with her own brother? How could that be? And he was marrying Evelyn. She staggered on her feet, for a moment, and then ran into the attic, as fast as her legs carried her. There it was, the painting, placed between some desks and curtains, powdery, from years of neglect. She examined it carefully. Even if she didn’t want to admit it, it was true, he resembled her. The same black hair, and black eyes, even her mouth, looked similar to his. Why, why was it so painful? She always wanted to meet her brother, why did it have to be like this? And the kiss, the soft, loving kiss, now felt like a curse, a chain binding her to her sin. How can she face him, now, after she knew the truth? Day after day, she struggled by herself, thinking what to do, how to tell him. Everything was dark around her, only misery and sadness remained, for the once, extremely happy girl. She couldn’t even smile anymore.
One day, she was called out by one of the servants. When she walked, out the door, into the backyard, she froze. It was Fred, smiling at her, unaware of what she’s been going through. Sheltering the secret, all by herself, having nightmares, her conscience consuming her as time passed. Before he could even say anything, she made her decision. She couldn’t go on like this, she had to disappear.
“Don’t say anything!” She said, with a trembling, forced voice. “Just listen! Meet me, in the central park, the day after tomorrow. I have something important to say, but right now, I can’t. Now, please leave.” And she turned around, and walked back into the kitchen, passed the hall, and entered her room. There, she took a piece of paper, and started scribbling furiously on it. First she made some accounts, to all the money she had, and a list of things she will need. After she finished with them, she placed them in the counter, at her desk. The next piece of paper, and the next, and the next, not one was good enough. How could she, explain to Fred, that his own sister, was deeply and hopelessly, in love with him, and that she couldn’t stay by his side, because he was getting married. She didn’t have good enough words, to tell him, how much he means for her. Finally she took another piece of paper, and wrote, while silently crying:
“Dear Fred,
By the time you will read this letter, I would be long gone. I don’t know where, I just need to go away, away from you. I need to tell you so many things, so may painful things.
The most important, and the most painful thing, is the fact that I love you! I love you more, than you could ever imagine, and that’s exactly why I’m leaving. I know you don’t understand, why I would be saddened by my love, but until the end of this letter, I hope you will, and that you will agree with me, that this was the best way, we could have handled things.
These last few days, I tried to forget about you, I couldn’t. I tried to hate you, I couldn’t do that either. In the end, I was left only to feel love, and sadness, in place of anger, and hatred. I tried to blame the whole situation on you, but you weren’t at fault. You didn’t know. It was me who should have figured it out, before everything that had happened. Unfortunately, all is in the past now, and it can’t be undone. It just happened all too quick, for me to even try to resist. So, I’m doing it now.
And yes, I know you are getting married, and I’m sad you didn’t told me, but back then, I didn’t wanted to know, and I probably would have preferred it, if I wouldn’t have ever found out. But it was inevitable; fate seems to bring me only misfortune and suffering. But I can’t do anything about this, and it’s just too big of a problem, to be ignored. I told you, I was searching for my brother, that day, in the room. Well, I must confess, I found him. Unfortunately, in this case too, I would have liked to remain ignorant, to the person who is my brother. Because, the same person who is my brother, my own flesh and blood, is the same person I shared my first kiss with. Yes Fred, it’s you. How do I know? Because I have our mother’s portrait with me, I always did, from when I was little. I will leave it with this letter, since it will only remind me of you now. I came to love you, painfully much. But, even if you are my brother, I can’t stay with you. I realized it today, when you came to see me. It’s too painful, to love somebody, and not be able to touch him, and see him marry someone else. I’m not that strong. That’s why, I’m running away. You can blame me, for being foolish, and a coward, but please never doubt, my love for you, now and forever.
Your loving sister,
Mia “
One day passed, and Mia started her journey. She knew where to go. The nuns, at the orphanage, once told her, that there was always a place for her, where she was going. It was far away from Fred, and that’s all she wanted for now. She left the letter at a friend, who was also working at that house, and instructed her to deliver it to Fred. She even gave her some money.
While walking down the road, she took out a little pouch, and felt it through her finders. It was empty now; the emptiness that she felt in her heart was the same as that pouch. It was there, where she kept the pendant, with the portrait of their mother, always close to her heart.
After a few days, of traveling through various cities, she finally arrived. It was a small town, with little white houses, spread along the road, and fences that surrounded carefully attended gardens, and dogs barking, at some of them, announcing the rival of the owners, back home.
When she arrived, at the end of the town, she saw a small church, and near it a gray building, which seemed like a dormitory, with windows spread, at even distances one from another. Before she could even reach the door, a big black dog, which contrasted greatly, with the white church, came to greet her. And after him, an old priest, and a young girl, greeted her, and invited her inside.
She was a teacher there, to all the orphaned children, and she enjoyed spending time with them. She often, spent time in the church, praying ardently, for the happiness of Fred. Even if she was miles away, from him, she could still clearly remember the touch of his hands, and the sound of his voice. Even the taste of his lips, was deeply engraved into her memory. She didn’t try to forget him anymore, she just accepted her sin, and prayed to God. Sometimes she would even dream of him, calling her name, from the middle, of a sea of mist. But she couldn’t see him, and when the mist cleared, all that was left, was the pendant, lying on the ground. When she had these dreams, she would always wake up screaming, and drenched in sweat.
A couple of weeks have past, and Mia, was getting used to life, in the little town. She was busy all the time, until nightfall, but it helped her get her mind of things, for a while. One day, while she was walking on the narrow street, between trees abloom, she had the peculiar feeling, that someone was watching her. So she turned around, as to see who it was. She thought it was some of the kids, playing a prank on her, but to her surprise, behind her, at about 10 feet, there was a man, looking at her, without averting his eyes. He wore a large hat, on which the brims covered his eyes, so she couldn’t see who it was. Mia had this strange sensation, of pain in her hearth. She took it as fear, and acted accordingly.
“Are you looking for me, by any chance?” She said, while trying to keep her voice, firm. The man didn’t say anything, he just nodded. She looked at him again, but she still couldn’t see who it was.
“What can I help you with?” She asked, now intrigued, by the man in front of her.
“You should hug your brother when you see him!” A deep voice said. Mia froze, on the spot. It couldn’t be, he was far away, it must have been her imagination. Then the voice spoke again:
“And here I thought, you would be happy, to see your dear brother.”
Hearing this, she realized, that it wasn’t the man in front of her that spoke. The voice, came from behind her. She then, felt a sharp pain, in her chest.
“How is that possible?” She mumbled, while slowly, turning around. There he was, handsome as ever. He had a few dark circles, around his eyes, and he looked like he traveled a lot, but he was still as charming, as when she had first met him. Of course, he did travel a lot, he’s here. She thought to herself. She couldn’t believe it. She was happy, and hurt, at the same time.
“So, you leave me, just one measly letter, with an insane explanation, and a pendant, and you expect me to stay put?”
“Insane?” She asked. “I told you the truth! Why have you come here? I have already said, what I had to say and…” But he interrupted her.
“Yes, you did, and then left, without even waiting for an answer, and you left me, dumbfounded and sick. Did you know, how I felt, when I read your letter?” He was approaching her, slowly, but steadily. She didn’t move. She knew that, deep inside, she wanted to be embraced by him, and called by her name, and even if her logic said no, her heart still longed for him. And now, as he was approaching, she realized it painfully well, how much she had missed him, and that her love, grew even stronger, the time they were apart.
“Let me tell you, how I felt.” He continued. “I was upset, and angry, but most of all sad. I thought you loved me, as a man, and then you tell me, I’m your brother. What kind of excuse was that? I felt hurt, especially, by your running away. Did you ever thought, about confronting me on the subject? Asking me, what my family name was? Or why, I was at the engagement party, that night?”
“It doesn’t matter!” She shouted, and covered her ears, while closing her eyes. Her senses, were going crazy. He was too close to her, and she could barely support herself, from falling down. Her legs were giving in, and the world was spinning, at an alarming rate. The next thing she knew was that she was felling, as light as a feather, blown by the wind. When she opened her eyes, he was there, leaning with his back, on her bed. She got up, and took her dressing gown, from the chair it was placed on, and went into the kitchen. She was terribly thirsty. On the kitchen table, there was fresh coffee made. She first, took a cup of water and gulped it down, and then she seated herself, at the table.
“I see you’re up. Good morning!” She heard a horse voice saying. Mia turned around, to see a tall man, standing at the entrance. He was the man, with the large hat, that she didn’t recognize. But still, he felt familiar. “Come on, drink up your coffee, I made it for us all.” The man said, taking a seat, at the end of the table. “Is Fred still sleeping?” She nodded. “I’m not surprised; he didn’t sleep that much, this last few weeks.” “Why?” Mia asked, her curiosity, winning over her shyness, and caution.
“Why do you think? He was sick of worry.” He said, while fixing his eyes upon her. She blushed, and wanted to retort, but he didn’t give her the chance.
“So you love me?”
“Excuse me?” She said, outraged at the familiarity, this man, was using on her.
“Well, I’m flattered and all, but I’m afraid I’m married already.” He said, with an mischievous smirk, on his face.
“What are you talking about? I never said I love you!” She said more and more enraged.
“Yes you did. Although, I don’t know what you meant by, the room where we kissed, since I don’t remember ever, laying a hand, on my little sister.” She was ready to reply, when she froze.
“Sister, what are you talking about?” She asked, more confused than ever.
“Well, I am you brother, and you did, send me that letter through Fred.” She gasped.
“That, wasn’t for you, it was addressed to Fred.”
“Yes. Frederick Thomas Raymond. Last time I checked, it was my name. I’m glad to see you again little sis.” He said now with a gentle smile on his face.
“Wait a minute, if you are my brother, then who is Fred?”
“He’s Fred, but people usually call him Mr. More.” Mia remained unmoved for a couple more minutes. “But he looks, just like the woman, in the painting, and the pendant.” He started laughing.
“Of course he does, he’s her son.”
“Fred is her son? How? Isn’t that, our mother?”
“No.” Said Fred, with a sleepy voice, from the other room. Then Fred, stepped into the kitchen, and took a seat at the table, in front of Mia. “She’s my mother, definitely.”
“But, the maids said…” She started, but was interrupted by Fred.
“Oh, the maids, is it? They obviously, don’t know who they were talking about.”
“But, I had the pendant, from when I was a little baby.”
“That’s because she was there, my mother, and you mother, were best friends. They both died in that accident.”
“So, you’re not my real brother? And, she’s not my mother?” Mia asked, in a serene tone.
“Yes, that’s how it is.” Fred said, with his eyes, fixed on Mia. Thomas, got up from the table, and stepped outside. In the meantime Mia was trying to put everything in order. Her thoughts, and her feelings, which were jumbled up together, started to make sense. And then, she suddenly asked Fred, who was sitting quietly, drinking his coffee.
“So I can love you?” And while she said that, she gave the sweetest and most sincere smile. Fred choked and asked:
“What?”
“What you heard.” She replied, still smiling. It was so easy to smile now, as if she was just an innocent child again.
“Well, it all depends.” He said, with a grave voice.
“Depends on what?” Mia asked, with a light tremble of worry, in her voice.
“Depends, on whether you will run off again, leaving me behind. It wasn’t pleasant at all, you know?” He said with an upset expression on his face, looking at a corner of the kitchen, as if there was something, extremely interesting there. When she didn’t say anything in return, he turned his eyes on her. She was staying, with her head bowed, trembling, while her hands were clenched, on her dressing gown. She was saying something, with a voice so low, that he couldn’t hear it. He then, got up, and went around the table, until he was near her.
“I can’t hear, what you’re saying. Say it louder!” She then stopped talking, and after a few moments, and a deep breath, she said: “I said I’m sorry! And…” Talking was harder now, because of the tears, which were falling unstoppable. “…and, I LOVE YOU! I WANT TO STAY WITH YOU! PLEASE LET ME STAY WITH YOU!” She shouted it all, in one breath. She felt the need, to say everything, she head on her heart, to share her feelings. All she had been through, over the last few months, all the suffering, she could now let go of it. After she shouted, her feet couldn’t support her anymore, so she almost fell. But Fred was paying attention, and he grabbed her, by the waist, before falling, holding her closely to him.
“I’m sorry too.” He told her, with a soft tone. “I should have known it was hard for you too. It was mean for me to tease you. I’m sorry!” He said while clearing away her tears with his hand.
“So, so…I can.. love you?” She barely said that, among her sobbing, with her head leaned against his chest.
“Always!” Fred replied, and took her head in his hands, and kissed her tenderly. Even her tears stopped falling, as they stayed, embraced, for a long time to come, lost in their own little world.
