Life...what a joke...

1

Who said life is beautiful? I don’t  know…What’s so wonderful about living every day…struggling more and more to fit in, drinking to forget, smoking to calm down…all this is bullshit…why should I do this? Where is the blessing of the so called God? Why is it that every day I have to think, to talk, to respond, to move, to breathe…? I hate this, it’s stupid!  I don’t want to do it anymore…still passing to the other side is scary… I’m not that brave, and then again I’m not brave enough to keep living either… is it courage or stupidity, where does it all lead? You just live…and other will live after you…you will be forgotten soon, there’s no point even trying. Even as a famous person, how much time will people remember you? 10-20 years from now you will be just like any other person…it’s only stalling.

Why should we struggle in everyday life? Are the feelings of joy worth it? They’re only momentary, still we fight for that 1 moment with all we’ve got…people are really stupid…

Staying in an old building, looking at my father self-destruct, pretending I’m okay, feeling pity for others, mocking others, being mocked, being felt pity for, it’s never-ending. It will only stop when I die, maybe not even then, for me at least. This sucks! Life sucks! Love? Hah, bullshit! Happiness, trust, companionship, they’re all bullshit! All that’s real are greed and meanness.

Why are we all so stubborn in believing fairytales? People are so weak, can’t live without God or hope for a better future… which is obviously not going to happen. Each man for itself, that’s the rule! The survival of the strong and the death of the weak! The so called jungle rule. It’s the same even between civilized people. Civilized, even the word seems like a joke to me. People are only animals who learned to deceive themselves and others. And so we live, each minute, each hour, each day, each month, each year, each decade, each generation… what a joke! 

 

I want to know, is anyone truly happy? What is happiness? Is it worth all the hurt to reach that so called happiness? I don’t believe in such things… should I? I don’t think all the effort is worth it! People should be happy if they don’t realize this, but life sucks! I mean really… we only strive but really we just keep running without advancing. It’s just that our minds go numb from all the hits, and start dreaming of the so called happiness so we won’t go insane.

I find it funny and sad at the same time, when hearing about the joy of life, happiness, faith, aren’t these all excuses so we can leave on?

Yes, there is happiness, for not more than 1 minute, that’s only when we think about it, there is no happy ending in life like in fairytales. No prince charming or Cinderella, no helping godmothers or faithful partners.  Everyone is on their own and nothing is endless. Life is short and if you actually think about it, quite unpleasant.

Still, tell me! What do you think is happiness? What does one need to do to be happy? Work hard? That shouldn’t be it, because it doesn’t matter, there is always someone better which will destroy all your hard work. Love all? Right, that will be your doom! People will trample all over your so called love. Persevere? That will only annoy people and in the end you will be bullied!

Life is not a movie, not a book, not a manga, not an anime, it’s just… LIFE! Be it worth it or not, this is a small problem, actually people are to scared of the unknown, of death to actually think about it logically. Let’s believe in God because he can save us! Right…. Is there even such a thing as God? How can you be sure? That’s it… you can’t, doesn’t it suck?  So it all connects to our need to believe in a better future.

Fuck Life! Fuck Happiness! Fuck Conciseness! It’s all fake!

Still we breathe, we live, we laugh, we ignore everything that doesn’t fit our ideals! People say life is fun, wonderful, meeting your soul mate, falling in love, bearing children, raising a new life…let’ face it, we’re just animals who can pretend really well. We’re all actors in this world. We just don’t know it.

Let’s take education for example. We say we are educated, civilized, superior to animals… are we? Don’t we kill out of greed, vengeance, pure evilness, stupidity? We want to control everything but we can’t even control ourselves! That’s just how we are. No point denying it!

We always hope there is somewhere a person who could understand us, who could care for us, who could be with us forever… but that’s all wishful thinking!  Something we need to believe to move on, to take the next breath and to get out of bed in the morning. Nevertheless is that the truth?

I don’t know…..

2

Always taking care of people…God forbid to hurt someone’s feelings!

You shouldn’t swear! You should behave! Do like the others do too? Don’t stand out! Don’t act different! Don’t think different! Be the same… the same…the same! Don’t rebel! Don’t be yourself! Be like the others! Just live, from day to day, each year, until you die!

You don’t need to think, just follow what others say! You don’t know anything, you’re weak, you need others! You will die all alone! You will survive only by following the herd. Don’t think about it! Just ... BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE! BREATHE!

No need for a break! Everyone is perfect! You are the only one imperfect! Don’t struggle to change! Accept everything! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE!

Most people start thinking about the purpose of their life, and still, they end up all the same, that’s what education transforms us in! No use defying it! It’s the rule! The unspoken, unseen rule! Just obey and go on!

You think life is hard, it’s no, only if you think! But don’t worry; naturally you will forget that you ever thought about such things!

“I was so young then! I didn’t know what I was saying!”

And still when we are young we are the truest to our nature! But time, blasted time always fucks us over! No need to even fight it! It will happen! Even I, tomorrow I will be getting out of the bed, drinking my morning coffee, grabbing my bag, going to school, making small talk with my colleagues, smiling like an idiot, because that’s what I need to do, to go on, to survive! Pretend, retain all your feelings and then lock them up somewhere far away so they won’t escape! Joke about everything important! Kick all your thoughts away and just meekly live like the others!

People could be such interesting things if only they were true to what they really thought! But they’re not! Life isn’t so simple as to allow us to do that! But then again what do we care about what life lets us do? Well, do we have a choice?  Can we really completely separate what we’re taught and what we think?

Ahh, why should I be the only one to think about this? Oh wait, I probably am not. But we will all forget we even had such thoughts! That’s why I’m writing them, so I can reread them later and try to remember. Well of course if read in a state of oblivion and total refusal to think, I will think these are all things I thought cause I was upset. But is it really so? Can we say with certainty that it is so or it isn’t? Can anyone answer me this? Should I believe what you think? Show me proof, solid proof! Use logic, I don’t care, just show me I’m wrong so I can return to the oblivious pattern which we all have!

I want to go! I want to stay! I want to remember! I want to forget! I want to care! I don’t want to care! Save me! Let me alone! Catch me! Let me fall!

No matter what… Do something!

But, you won’t, neither will him, her, them, or anyone else! Why? Because you don’t care! Read it all as my mistakes in judgment! Tell yourself I’m emo, stupid, a child, naive, anything you want. I don’t care! Live your life just as you did until now! Why should I care? You don’t! I won’t either! There is no escape! Everything is a mess, will be one and will end as one! Will it end, I wonder…

3

Ahh life is wonderful! It’s so sunny outside and I have someone who loves me truly! Everything is perfect! A good job, wonderful children, great relatives! Life is really perfect for me now! Forget all the stupid little problems! They don’t matter! They’re just passing by; everything will be all right in the end!  I just need to keep working hard for everyone’s happiness! It’s easy to do that because I have family and friends which are always beside me, helping, and also God! Thank you God for blessing me with life!

What? You have a problem? No worries, it will solve itself if you just keep trying and believe so!

Life is WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL!

This is the truth! Happiness exists! Love exists! Love exists! Faith exists! Breathe with great PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE, PLEASURE.

Is your problem still not solved? Persevere! It will happen! I promise! How do I know? Because I’m happy.  You just haven’t fund the balance of your life. It will happen! It’s all related to time!

No, you won’t be to late in finding your road. It’s never to late!

If you can’t be happy in this life, you’ll get what you deserve in the afterlife! Don’t worry! Everything happens with a reason! Don’t despair!

Isn’t this nice! Just enjoying life! Without thinking about what we enjoy.  

Is It Really? Is This What You Call Life? Is This What You Call Happiness? Are You Content With This?

Yes? Good then, live like that! Go on breathing happily until your last one! Don’t read this, don’t think about this, don’t mind this! This is all but a small accident in the course of life!

 Everything is okay now! Enjoy life!