16 Jun 2013

Life...what a joke...

Who said life is beautiful? I don’t  know…What’s so wonderful about living every day…struggling more and more to fit in, drinking to forget, smoking to calm down…all this is bullshit…why should I do this? Where is the blessing of the so called God? Why is it that every day I have to think, to talk, to respond, to move, to breathe…? I hate this, it’s stupid!  I don’t want to do it anymore…still passing to the other side is scary… I’m not that brave, and then again I’m not brave enough to keep living either… is it courage or stupidity, where does it all lead? You just live…and other will live after you…you will be forgotten soon, there’s no point even trying. Even as a famous person, how much time will people remember you? 10-20 years from now you will be just like any other person…it’s only stalling.
Why should we struggle in everyday life? Are the feelings of joy worth it? They’re only momentary, still we fight for that 1 moment with all we’ve got…people are really stupid…
Staying in an old building, looking at my father self-destruct, pretending I’m okay, feeling pity for others, mocking others, being mocked, being felt pity for, it’s never-ending. It will only stop when I die, maybe not even then, for me at least. This sucks! Life sucks! Love? Hah, bullshit! Happiness, trust, companionship, they’re all bullshit! All that’s real are greed and meanness.
Why are we all so stubborn in believing fairytales? People are so weak, can’t live without God or hope for a better future… which is obviously not going to happen. Each man for itself, that’s the rule! The survival of the strong and the death of the weak! The so called jungle rule. It’s the same even between civilized people. Civilized, even the word seems like a joke to me. People are only animals who learned to deceive themselves and others. And so we live, each minute, each hour, each day, each month, each year, each decade, each generation… what a joke!